Social masking: What is it and why do we do it?

The feeling that we’re putting on a different face or adopting a slightly different persona is something many of us have experienced. But for some, social masking is a way of life, and seems like the only way they feel they can fit in

We’ve all done it. That moment at work where a question arises and we just aren’t quite sure how to respond, or a friend makes a comment we think is a joke but aren’t 100% certain. We surreptitiously check to see how everyone else reacts first lest we choose the wrong thing to say. In many ways, we all practise a bit of social masking to help us avoid social faux pas. However, some of us rely on it much more than others.

What is masking?

Masking, also refered to as social masking, camouflaging, or 'passing', is a strategy used by some autistic people to blend in with those around them. Done both conciously and unconsciously, masking can happen in any setting (school, work, with friends or family), and at any age.

According to research, autistic people learn how to socially mask through observing those around them (in real life and through media, e.g. observing characters in films, books, or on TV shows), analysing their behaviour, and learning to mirror them.

Those who socially mask have described it as feeling like they are constantly adapting to the preferences and expectations of those around them. Tightly controlling how they express themselves and adjusting that based on the anticipated reactions of others around them, in the moment and over time, someone who is masking may change their needs, preferences, interests, opinions, appearance, and even personality based on those around them.

Why do some autistic people mask?

If it can be so exhausting, why do people use social masking? Some use it to connect with friends, find a partner, or land a better job. Others use it as a defence mechanism, to protect themselves from being shunned, or to seen neurotypical.

While it may seem like an easy suggestion for people to just “be themselves”, social camouflaging can be a reassuring way for those who struggle to connect to take part in social situations, where they might otherwise feel out of their depth.

Can it have its downsides? Of course. But with time to practise and implement self-care routines and techniques that can help to relax, unwind, and recharge – combined with professional support to learn healthy coping strategies – social masking can be a helpful tool that non-neurotypical individuals can use to feel more comfortable and accepted in a largely neurotypical world.

Am I social masking?

Not all neurodivergent people are aware when they socially mask. Signs that you may be socially masking can include:

• mirroring others facial expressions
• forcing yourself to make eye contact or tracking how much eye contact you are making
• changing how you speak or your tone (e.g. using less direct phrasing, changing how animated you are)
• mirroring how others dress or present themselves
• suppressing, hiding, or reducing stimming, switching to less noticable stils (e.g. playing with a pen, tapping your foot)
• masking visible reactions to sensory input that you may be sensitive to (e.g. stopping yourself from wincing when someone touches your shoulder if sensitive to touch)
• scripting (planning in advance) what you want to say to someone
• asking questions more than you are interested in or comfortable with
• witholding your own interests out of concern what the other person may think or how they may react

While some of these may feel familliar to both neurotypical and neurodivergent people, for autistic people, masking is a way of acting that comes more naturally to non-autistic people, in an effort to meet societal expectations. Over time, it can be exhausting, leading to autistic burnout and other mental health issues.

Autistic women, girls, and non-binary people, along with and autistic people diagnosed in adulthood can be more likely to social mask.

Social masking and autistic women

Masking is thought to be one of several potential reasons as to why autistic women and girls often receive a diagnosis later in life.

In early 2018, a TV documentary revealed that more than half of undiagnosed autistic adults could be women – a figure that shocked researchers and experts alike. Of the 750,000 participants, more than 11% met the criteria pointing towards a diagnosis, with an unprecedented 52% of them being women.

With previous studies indicating that the ratio of male to female autistic individuals stood at anywhere between 2:1 to 16:1, experts put forward a range of theories to explain why these results suggested women may be under-diagnosed. The conscious and subconscious use of social masking is one of several popular explanations.

Psychiatrist Dr Louis Kraus specialises in autism. He suggests that, while the indicators of autism can be less obvious in women, many learn to mimic the behaviour of others around them, helping them to mask their difficulties in understanding social norms and cues.

Experts think girls and women may do this more often, as they want to socialise, be part of the group, and make friends, which can lead to them attempting to mimic the behaviour of their peers.

Autistic girls may also be more likely to recognise the signs of social expectations, even if they don’t fully understand or are unable to meet them. This can include mimicking facial expressions, memorising acceptable topics of conversation, and adopting physical behaviours observed in others, such as maintaining eye contact during a conversation.

While social masking may seem like a positive way to learn social cues through practise, many mimic these interactions, rather than fully understanding them. This form of social camouflaging, while helping individuals to blend in, can also delay diagnosis and support.

Many who practise social masking report still feeling disconnected or overlooked in social situations. To an outsider, they may appear to bounce between activities, conversations or groups, as they struggle to connect or have trouble recognising typically expected responses and behaviours. To combat this, many will create a “social script” of conversational phrases that can be reused when required, or copy social behaviour from friends and sometimes even TV shows.

The impact of social masking

Social masking is, at its core, suppresting autistic characteristics, as well as the individual needs, preferences, and instincts. When Someone socially masks, they are often repressing their coping mechanisms. Over time, this can negativly impact their overall mental health and wellbeing, including:

• loss of sense of self
• low self-esteem
• mental and physical exhaustion
• mental health difficulties (increased suicidality and/or self harm)
• feelings of isolation and/or disconnect
• distressed behaviour (meltdowns and/or shutdowns)
• being more vulnerable to abuse
• others doubting/not believing they are autistic
• late or misdiagnosis

Can masking increase anxiety?

Those who regularly use social masking to cope with everyday interactions and situations may experience higher levels of anxiety than their peers, as they struggle to understand social situations and cues that others take for granted.

Many report feeling mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted following social interactions, as they may be consciously tracking the body language, facial expressions, language, and reactions of those around them to try to mimic social cues and expectations. In some cases, the individual may be doing this while also suppressing any behaviours or actions that may be deemed socially inappropriate or out of the norm, such as common self-stimulatory (or stimming) behaviours.

This can lead to increased anxiety and self-doubt and, according to a 2017 study published in the journal Autism, with higher levels of social camouflaging also associated with higher levels of depression.

Without diagnosis, some experts believe autistic women may not recognise the signs that they are socially masking, and may believe that a level of exhaustion following social interactions is something everyone experiences.

The same study defined social camouflaging as the difference between how people seem in social contexts, and what is really happening to them on the inside. This can cover a broad spectrum of things, from suppressing repetitive behaviours, to avoiding talking excessively about special interests, pretending to follow conversations, or mimicking other neurotypical behaviours.

How can I manage the impact of social masking?

The National Autistic Society recommends a number of different strateries for selfpmanaging the affects of masking. If you find yourself feeling exhausted or worn down, it could be helpful to:

• Give yourself time to recover following social situations where you may find yourself masking.
• Track your energy using a method like spoon theory to help you better visualise how much energy interactions are taking, and to limit situations where you may feel the need to mask.
• Spend time with other autistic people (in person or online) to share experiences and coping stratergies. It can also help you to better understand your own experiences and how unmasking may help.
• Take time to better learn about who you are behind your mask. This could include taking time to consider your likes and dislikes and how you could share your interests through reflection, journaling, or speaking with others with similar experiences.
• Consider working with a neurodivergent-affirming counsellor. Neurodivergent-affirming therapists have experience or additional training in working with neurodivergent individuals, and may be able to offer support in introducing you to alternative coping strategies, identifying areas that are causing distress, and developing self-advocacy skills to help you focus on the changes and support that would most help you.

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Article first published: 09 October 2022
Article updated: 15 May 2025