How to deal with the emotional toll of sleep deprivation

Having sleepless nights? Here's how to manage your emotions when you’re not getting the rest you need

I write this while sleep-deprived. My temples are pounding, my eyes are puffy, my mind is foggy, and my mood is sensitive. It’s an experience many will relate to, with a recent UK survey of 4,000 adults, commissioned by Curaleaf Clinic, finding that 44% feel they are ‘sleep deprived’.

Sleep deprivation is different to struggling to fall asleep. It’s about desperately wanting (and often being physically able) to sleep, but not being able to due to whatever barriers are in your way – be that caring responsibilities, shift work, illness, travel, or difficult periods in our lives.

Steph Bell is a counsellor, but she’s also been a shift-worker for the past 18 years, and knows the impact of sleep deprivation well. “Sleep deprivation makes it harder to regulate our nervous systems, our window of tolerance is smaller, and the things we would normally do to keep ourselves regulated, like exercise or eating healthily, seem more out of reach,” Steph says. “Self-discipline is harder, and there isn’t the required energy sometimes to connect with others in our normal ways, which can result in feeling more isolated.”

The toll is truly significant. In a large meta-analysis of more than 150 studies, published in 2021 by the American Psychological Association, sleep deprivation was shown to reduce positive emotions, such as joy and motivation, and increase anxiety and ‘emotional numbness’. Here, we’re looking at advice on how to deal with the symptoms of sleep deprivation, while you wait for whatever it is keeping you awake to pass.

Get outside

In whatever form you can manage, be it a walk or breathing in the fresh air from a garden or balcony, try to get outside. This change of scenery can do wonders for a sluggish mind, but light exposure also helps to reset your wellbeing. According to a study published in The American Journal of Physiology-Endocrinology and Metabolism, daylight exposure during the day or immediately upon waking is an effective way to increase alertness, improve cognitive performance, and reduce the negative mood caused by sleep deprivation.

Keep a notepad by your bed

“I find that when working nights on a regular basis, the chances of bedtime rumination increase,” Steph shares. “I find a notepad useful when thoughts turn existential. I also tell myself, ‘not tonight’ when the familiar thoughts come in, especially when it’s challenging to sleep.”

She recommends having a notepad by the side of your bed to catch any thought spirals. It might be anxiety around how you’re going to cope with the sleep deprivation (for example, ‘How am I going to show up at work when I’m so tired?’), or it could be that other areas of your life you feel worried about are cropping up now. Whatever it is, getting it down on paper can really help

Find support that works for you

You might want to seek support from a mental health professional to focus specifically on the effects of sleep deprivation – particularly if this is an ongoing challenge in your life. Or you may be looking to connect with someone to talk about something else, but are worried about how your routine will work with theirs. Whatever the reason for you reaching out, finding a therapist or coach who understands what living with sleep deprivation is like is important.

“This was invaluable for me as a client before I started my own training,” Steph shares. “When I first started therapy, I had shifts that would change week-to-week. I had the most amazing therapist who offered flexibility and was incredibly understanding; I was in a difficult place in my life and would often arrive late or miss sessions altogether, forgetting what day it was. She was a godsend and allowed me to work through things in my own time.”

If this is something you need support with, bring it up in the first conversation, and see if the professional is able to offer you flexibility and understanding in this regard.

Try to limit sugar

“Once a week, I’ll work a day shift after a night shift (the dreaded changeover). I have been doing this for years and notice that I always reach for strong coffee and high sugar, fat, or carb-heavy treats to try and get me through it,” Steph recalls. “But the brief energy burst and satisfaction from the sugar are never, in my experience, worth it in the end.”

Studies have shown that sleep deprivation reduces glucose tolerance and increases insulin resistance, meaning that your body is less able to regulate blood sugar – plus, at the same time, you’re more likely to crave high-sugar foods. You’re already dealing with reduced emotional regulation, but then sugar spikes and crashes on top of this can intensify the experience further. Therefore, trying, as best you can, to stay away from sugar can make a real difference.

Create a plan with the help of your circle

An element of sleep deprivation that isn’t always talked about is the loneliness that it can bring. The experience can be isolating if the people around you are carrying on as normal, and being awake at odd hours can also leave you feeling like you’re in this all by yourself.

Reaching out to others during this time can not only help you vent away some of the emotional toll, but also be an opportunity for you to plan the support and understanding that you need. Steph reflects on how, for her, sleep deprivation can lead to increased paranoia about the thoughts and actions of others. Identifying and then communicating this to her partner was an important step.

“We have an agreement now that, due to my ability to feel easily overwhelmed, he will ask me what I need, or if I’m OK, and we will have a check-in. When I admit I am feeling overwhelmed, I go to one of my self-soothing go-tos: a long shower, an hour in a quiet room by myself, a short run outside, or yoga together. Rather than snap at him or think he’s the enemy, we’ve learnt to deal with this as a team.”

Putting it to bed

When I was in the absolute trenches of sleep deprivation with a newborn, I came across a story about the Norbertine Sisters, a group of nuns who have become known for their ‘Motherhood hour’: Each night, at midnight, they rise to pray for mothers awake with their infants. Reading about that not only helped me with that sense of isolation we explored above, but also solidified that sleep deprivation is a real struggle, and one well worth talking about.

Whatever the cause, however long it’s been going on, know that support and solidarity are out there. And don’t sleep on the impact of small changes, they’re often the most achievable and go further than you may first think.