RELATIONSHIPS

50 questions to build emotional security in your relationship

Kathryn Wheeler
By Kathryn Wheeler,
updated on Sep 20, 2024

50 questions to build emotional security in your relationship

Sit down with your partner, get comfortable, and work through these 50 questions designed to spark conversation about emotional security in your relationship

Emotional security is all about feeling safe in your relationship. With it comes the ability to be vulnerable and honest, which creates a deeper and more meaningful partnership.

When we feel supported by our partner, it makes facing the rest of the world that much easier as we have a secure base to spring off of. And, while conflict can naturally arise in every relationship, understanding that, ultimately, you want the best for yourselves and your relationship, makes navigating these challenges a lot easier.

So, are you ready to open up the conversation on emotional security in your relationship? Use these questions to start exploring the many different aspects that go into feeling safe and secure. You may be surprised at what comes up…

  1. What does ‘emotional security’ mean to you?

  2. When you feel insecure, what can I do to reassure you?

  3. What things trigger insecurity for you?

  4. What are some of your boundaries for our relationship?

  5. What do you need to feel safe in our relationship?

  6. What does a trusting relationship look like to you?

  7. What’s your favourite way to be shown love?

  8. Are you happy with the level of physical affection in our relationship?

  9. If I wanted to discuss a new boundary in our relationship, how would you respond?

  10. What one thing that I currently do makes you feel most emotionally secure?

  11. Is there anything that I do that makes you feel insecure?

  12. Have you had any past relationships that have made you feel unsafe or insecure?

  13. If I had an issue in our relationship, how would you best like me to communicate it?

  14. Are there any other relationships in your life that you admire?

  15. What do you think is the best way to support me when I’m struggling?

  16. What do you need in order to be vulnerable with me?

  17. Are you happy with the amount of time we spend together?

  18. Do you feel able to ask for affection when you need it?

  19. If you’re going through a hard time, how can I best support you?

  20. What do you think my biggest need in our relationship is?

  21. What is your biggest need in our relationship?

  22. Do you feel desired by me?

  23. Is there anything about our relationship that you think we could benefit from changing?

  24. Do you like the way that we deal with conflict?

  25. Do you think we have a good level of trust in each other?

  26. If you had concerns about something in our relationship, would you feel able to raise them?

  27. What can I do to make sure you feel heard when you’re opening up to me?

  28. How do you deal with jealousy?

  29. Do you feel accepted by me?

  30. How confident would you say you are overall?

  31. Are you able to tell when I feel stressed or anxious?

  32. Are there any topics you feel uncomfortable talking about with me?

  33. In what ways do you think we’re different?

  34. In what ways do you think we’re similar?

  35. How do you deal with criticism, and are you happy with this?

  36. How can I best support your emotional wellbeing?

  37. What are some small, daily gestures that make you feel secure?

  38. Do you think that we are competitive with each other?

  39. What are some subtle signs that I’m in distress?

  40. What role does physical intimacy play in you feeling emotionally secure?

  41. Do you ever worry about feeling judged?

  42. If we’re sitting down to have an important conversation, what does the environment need to be like?

  43. Do any physical or image-based insecurities come up in our relationship?

  44. Are you aware of the biggest challenges I’m currently facing?

  45. Do you feel like we’re on the same team?

  46. How would you like me to show appreciation for you?

  47. Do you feel comfortable talking about sex and physical intimacy?

  48. When did you feel most loved by me?

  49. Do you think we face outside challenges well?

  50. Where do you think we’ll be in five years from now?

Interested in couples counselling? Connect with a professional using counselling-directory.org.uk

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