The path to contentment: Simple habits and subtle changes

Bestselling author Richard Templar explains why happiness isn’t about constant joy, how to stop measuring yourself against others, and the simple habits that make contentment more achievable

Hi Richard. A lot of people feel pressure to be happy all the time. Do you think our modern idea of happiness has become unrealistic?

Happiness can mean a lot of things, but I think an underlying sense of contentment is a more realistic aim. It’s simply not realistic to expect to be elated or joyful all the time.

Many readers feel overwhelmed by work, money worries, and constant bad news. How can people protect their peace without avoiding reality?

Of course life has its bad moments – that’s what makes the good ones feel so good. So if you’re expecting life to be a mixed bag, it’s less overwhelming when it happens that way. One piece of advice I would give Happiful readers is to focus on the thing that really gets you down and just aim to resolve that. Maybe it’s money worries, or the job, or a particular relationship. If you sort that one thing out, the rest of it will usually feel more manageable.

You’ve written about rules for happiness. Which rule do people tend to resist the most, even though they probably need it most?

There’s more than one contender. But the biggest culprits tend to be the ones that take time. When you’re overwhelmed, it’s genuinely hard to make time to go for a walk, or to eat healthily, or get enough sleep, for example. But these changes to your regular habits can make a big difference to your happiness.

Social comparison seems unavoidable, especially online. What advice would you give to readers who constantly feel they’re falling behind?

This is about confidence in yourself, so that you don’t need the approval of others. That can be tricky – there’s a whole section about it in The Rules of Happiness. One important rule is not to compare yourself with other people. There are eight billion people on the planet, so you’ll always find someone ‘better’ than you. But often, they’re just more experienced, or have had more practice, or are more passionate.

How do you personally deal with difficult days or periods where happiness feels out of reach?

I consciously notice all the little positives in my day, no matter what else is going on that could negatively impact me. The weather, or the friendly checkout assistant, or a message from a friend, or a good meal. Appreciating those things matters.

If readers took just one thing away from your work, what would you hope it would be?

To think for themselves, and not be negatively affected by other people’s attitudes. A lot of heartache comes from not attaining the things we feel we ought to. If you remove other people’s expectations – of your exam results, your income, your housing, your clothes, where you go on holiday – happiness is much more achievable. Be comfortable in your own skin.

Richard Templar is the author of the global best-selling ‘The Rules of… ‘ series. ‘The Rules of Happiness’ (£11.99, Pearson).