How would your life be different if you truly believed that you are enough, exactly as you are right now? World renowned therapist and creator of Rapid Transformational Therapy® Marisa Peer shares why, and how, telling yourself this simple fact could change everything, for good…
I’ll confess that ‘not enough’ is a statement that has peppered many of my life choices. I wasn’t qualified enough to apply for a job I once wanted, I wasn’t clever enough to sign up to a psychology course that piqued my interest, and romantically, well there were a thousand ‘not enoughs’ that built invisible, impenetrable barriers all around me throughout my 20s.
If this resonates with you in any way, then Marisa Peer’s words could well be the antidote to the ‘not enough’ epidemic that seems to impact so many of us. With more than 30 years’ experience in the field of psychotherapy and hypnotherapy, Marisa has also developed her own therapeutic approach, Rapid Transformational Therapy®, a practice that has gained global acclaim.
Having started her career working in the health and fitness industry in the 1980s, Marisa quickly realised that there was too great an emphasis on shrinking ourselves physically and mentally, rather than loving and backing ourselves. The transition from self-loathing to self-love, she now insists, stems from upgrading your self-talk, and she’s passionate about this message.
From the development of RTT® to her I Am Enough movement, Marisa is evidently on a life-long mission to help people live happier, healthier, and longer lives. So we’re grateful that she’s sharing her knowledge with Happiful, too, and how you can begin to banish the ‘not enoughs’, by taking on board these five actionable suggestions from Marisa:
Acknowledge fear of rejection, then let it pass
When we’re born on the planet, we have one need and that’s to make it, to survive. As a baby you know that you’ll survive if you can find connection and avoid rejection. As a result, we are all scared of rejection, but the truth is that, as an adult, nobody can reject you unless you give them your consent.
Do not let rejection in, let it go over your head. If it hurts, remind yourself it’s just someone’s opinion, and it doesn’t matter. Let it go. When someone says something harsh, say something nice to yourself, tell yourself that you are a good person. Remember that people can be mean, unkind, and hurtful, but critical people have the most criticism reserved for themselves.
You have a choice every day, and not letting destructive criticisms in can actually change your life.
Think better thoughts
Every day your mind is busy making your thoughts real, and your body responds to your thoughts. We know that because if we think of something sad, our eyes might fill up with tears; if we think of something embarrassing, our cheeks might go red. So our job, which is a great job, is to start thinking better thoughts. Instead of thinking ‘What if I mess up this interview and they don’t like me?’, how about ‘What if they think I’m just the most amazing candidate?’
Everything begins with a thought, and we’re all trying to change our actions, when what we really need to do is change our thinking. The good news is that our thoughts are ours to change, upgrade, and reframe all the time.
Reframe, reframe, reframe!
If you reframe a situation, your mind will make it true, because it doesn’t know or care if what you tell it is false, useful, or useless. Think of it this way, if you put lotion on dry skin, your mind doesn’t ask whether it’s from Prada or if you got it free on an aeroplane, it just sinks in and nourishes the skin. Words can be the same.
If you feel like you messed something up, rather than berating yourself, say that you’ll do it better next time. Become a loving parent and friend to yourself.
Become your own cheerleader. Tell yourself how well you are doing, celebrate what is good, and remember that you don’t have to be good at everything. We’ve got to increase self-praise and minimise the criticism, because nothing will wither and diminish your spirit more than your inner critic.
The power of ‘I am enough’
If you think you are not enough, how does that make you feel? You might feel awful, sad, defeated, anxious, or you might behave in an angry, defensive manner. But if you change that thought to ‘I am enough’, you’re likely to feel positive, confident, brave, and reassured. You’re more likely to take life-enhancing risks – asking for that promotion, asking someone out, or talking to new people.
You might think that it’s not true, but if you’re telling yourself you’re not enough, that’s not true either! I cannot recommend saying ‘I am enough’ to yourself more. If everybody woke up every day and said these four little phrases, the whole world would change:
I am enough,
and I matter.
Working with a trained Rapid Transformational Therapy® therapist will help you to better interpret and understand events, how they have or are affecting you, and how you can change your reaction to these in the future. RTT® may be able to help you overcome specific issues if you are struggling with feelings of anxiety, depression, or panic attacks by, for example, helping you to change automatic feelings of fear into excitement, or breaking away from behaviours that are causing physical or emotional pain.
Helping to address the root cause of issues, rather than current symptoms that may be ailing you, RTT® is a complete, solution-focused approach. It may be able to help with a wide range of issues, from physical health problems to anxiety, phobias, and weight management.
With the help of an RTT® therapist, you can learn more about how the meaning or interpretation of events may be causing you pain or discomfort, helping you to confront emotions that you may be struggling to cope with, to challenge coping mechanisms that may not be working for you, and to make positive changes.