5 ways to look after your mental health while going through a divorce
updated on Sep 17, 2024
Through a challenging and emotional time, use these five pillars to guide your self-care
Divorce affects you emotionally, financially, and legally – and can be an extremely stressful process. It can impact your mental health in a myriad of ways, whether that’s anxiety around the future, grappling with your changing identity, or the loneliness or stress of dealing with conflict with your ex-partner. Becoming aware of these issues can help prepare you, and also reassure you that struggling with these situations is very normal. Prioritising your mental health during this time is so important, and by taking steps to look after yourself you can navigate the process more smoothly, and come out the other end hopefully feeling positive for your future.
Allow yourself to grieve
We often associate grief with death, but we can experience grief when we suffer loss of all different kinds within our lives, especially at the end of a relationship.
“Regardless of the circumstances, divorce marks a transition. This can lead to a feeling of grief or loss, even if we are content with the outcome,” counsellor Georgina Sturmer says.
As tempting as it may be to try to just skip over the grieving process entirely, it is better to honour these feelings and take time and space to process them. “Allow yourself to notice and acknowledge this grief, and consider how you might need to voice it or mark it in some way,” Georgina suggests.
Find your people
Going through divorce can feel like a lonely experience, even when, on the surface, it may appear like you are surrounded by supportive friends and family. “Make sure you know who you can rely on. Focus on those who really want you to be happy, without imposing their own agenda,” Georgina says.
Navigating this tricky time also means leaning more on those close to you than before. “Reach out for practical support, emotional support, companionship – all the elements of our relationships and friendships that can help us to cope,” Georgina adds.
While friends and family can be a huge comfort, sometimes it’s helpful to connect or spend time with people going through the same thing, who really understand how you feel. In this case, Georgina recommends seeking out support groups or people you know who are going through – or have been through – something similar.
Embrace change
As we go through life, most of us subconsciously build a picture of an imagined future, and our relationships often play a big part in what this consists of. When we go through divorce, there is a level of uncertainty about what this future might look like, and often it is different to what we once imagined.
“We might feel frightened or worried about the future, or we might feel excited or empowered,” Georgina says. Both are valid feelings, but as we work towards embracing that life is going to change, we can start to feel the latter more than the former.
Focus on yourself
When you go through divorce, it is natural to question your identity. “Often you can end up feeling lost or disconnected from the shared identity that you have built during your marriage,” Georgina says.
After the end of any relationship, it’s important to take some time to get to know yourself and who you are as an individual. “Nurture your ‘self’ in this new phase of your life by reminding yourself of what makes you feel grounded and happy,” Georgina says. This is also an excellent time to discover new things you enjoy, or to reach out to new people and build fresh connections.
Let go of other people’s opinions
It is very normal to worry about what other people might think about the end of your relationship. However, it is important to try to not to let these thoughts overwhelm you.
“Other people’s thoughts or opinions are simply out of your control; what matters is how you feel,” Georgina points out. “This is why it’s important to build and maintain healthy boundaries, so that other people’s judgements don’t enter into our own judgements about ourselves.”
Prioritise spending time with people who truly support you and your decision. The end of one relationship could be the start of a stronger connection with yourself, and others.