As our wonderful columnist Grace Victory embarks on an exciting new chapter in her life, and pens her final column for us, she reflects on the passage of time, as well as the lessons from endings – and new beginnings
If I’ve learnt one thing in the past few years, it’s that nothing lasts forever. Whether it’s a particular feeling, trauma, a job or a friendship, sometimes things run their course, seasons change, and what we once wanted or needed, we no longer desire.
Emotions like happiness are fleeting, often depending on outside sources, and feelings like sadness can be due to weather, or hormones, or scrolling aimlessly on Twitter (we all do it LOL).
Our feelings can change so dramatically through the day that we can’t place too much attachment to them. They can transform. They end. They don’t usually last too long. And I think that’s actually a pretty beautiful thing about humanity. Difficult relationships can eventually reveal a way out and forward, we might be made redundant from a job we absolutely loathe, and childhood trauma could end when we grow into adulthood, put the work in, and heal.
Endings are the place where beginnings can start, and while refreshing and beautiful, they can often feel messy and uncomfortable – especially if, like me, you have a need to feel in control.
Life is unpredictable, and we must ebb and flow like water to become resilient to what is brought our way. This includes doors being shut in our faces, or us having the courage to slam them shut ourselves. The end of something can be a mourning period, but also a time to reflect on what’s been, how we feel, and how we’d like to move forward.
As the year draws to a close, I always feel pensive and more aware of my thoughts, especially now that I’m a mother and have overcome critical illness. You don’t come back from death (both in the physical and spiritual sense) and just pick up where you left off. Everything feels different. Everything is different. And time to re-evaluate is important.
As my maternity leave is in full swing (and by the time you read this my second-born will be here), I’m in the space of starting a new chapter. A chapter where I’m a mother of two, where I’m rediscovering parts of myself that I’ve lost, but also finding parts of myself I never knew were there, and just hitting pause so I can think, focus, and decide on what the future looks like for me. Contracts and collaborations with incredible brands are ending, and I am (for the first time) taking a long break away from work and social media. The only break I’ve had in 12 years was when I was in a coma, which doesn’t bloody count!!
I’m tired.
Tired to my core, and very much in need of taking some time out to be with my family, continue healing, and find other things – new, exciting things – that bring me contentment and joy. While happiness is so fleeting, I believe peace can be a constant, and that is something I’d like to work towards. Long gone are the days of being OK and comfortable with chaos; I need stillness and to do that, I need to cut out some of the noise, my ever growing list of tasks and, of course, the to-do list that I’ll probably die with!
With that being said, I have also made the decision to end my Happiful column. For no other reason than just feeling like I need to move on, and give this energy to myself and my family. I have utterly loved this corner of content to share my thoughts, give advice, and connect to my readers. Over the years, it really has become my safe space, and the only place I delve into certain topics.
To the team, especially Lucy, thank you for having my back and allowing me to use my column so freely. Happiful really is a breath of fresh air.
To you, the reader, for taking the time to read my words, thank you.
Moving on is never easy for me. I ponder, overthink, and sometimes second guess my decisions, but I know that all of these endings are catalysts for change and growth, so I’m embracing them with open arms.
“But what if I fail? Oh, but my darling… what if you fly?”
Love Grace x
